The Psychology of Intimate Relationships with Dr. Harry Reis

What actually makes us feel close to another person?Is chemistry enough to build a lasting relationship? Do opposites really attract? Is conflict a sign that something is wrong? And can someone genuinely love us while still failing to make us feel loved?In this episode of Ego Over Id, we sit down with renowned relationship scientist Dr. Harry Reis, Dean’s Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and co-author of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most.Drawing from more than five decades of research on social interaction and close relationships, Dr. Reis shares with us what relationship science actually tells us about intimacy, chemistry, compatibility, vulnerability, listening, conflict, attachment, and love.One of the central ideas of our conversation is surprisingly simple: being loved and feeling loved are not necessarily the same thing.For intimacy to develop, we need more than another person’s good intentions. We need to experience them as someone who understands us, appreciates us, and cares about us—a concept relationship researchers call perceived partner responsiveness.How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters MostDr. Reis is the co-author, with happiness researcher Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky. The book explores a deceptively important distinction: many people are loved but don't consistently feel loved.Learn more about the book, explore its resources, and take the authors’ quiz: How to Feel Loved — Official WebsiteResourcesDr. Harry Reis — University of RochesterFaculty Profile & ResearchHow to Feel LovedOfficial Book WebsiteMore on Dr. Reis's relationship researchUniversity of Rochester — Relationship Science & Online DatingResearch: Perceived Partner Responsiveness & Well-BeingOxford AcademicMore from the authors on feeling lovedGreater Good Science Center — Five Ways to Feel More LovedFollow Ego/IdIf you enjoyed this conversation, follow Ego/Id for more conversations that separate pop psychology from what the science actually tells us.📸 Instagram: @ego.over.id💼 LinkedIn: Ego/Id: The Psychology of EverythingFollow the show, share this episode with someone you care about, and join us for the next conversation on Ego Over Id.