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by Rabbi David Ashear
A Daily ethical teaching by Rabbi David Ashear
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Those who truly know that Hashem runs the world live their lives on a more elevated level. They don't get upset from things that people usually get upset about, they don't worry about things that people usually worry about and they don't get stressed from things that people usually get stressed out about. Rather, they have a feeling of security and peace of mind, knowing that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen. A man told me, he was asked to go record various speakers in a different city on a day that that community designated for inspiration. When the day came, he drove with all of his equipment for over an hour, but when he arrived, he was immediately asked by the host, "Didn't you get my message?" "No," he replied. The man said, "I left you a message a few days ago that we no longer needed you to come. Sorry for this confusion." The man's phone had broken and he wasn't able to retrieve any messages on it. With a smile on his face, he said, "No problem. Hashem wanted me to make this trip for some reason and I accomplished that." On his way back, he began to think, from past years of doing this recording, he usually received $500 as compensation for his time. He was so happy that he didn't feel bad at all about that. He said, "I got credited in Shamayim for making the efforts to do this good deed and regarding my parnasa , I made my hishtadlut . Now Hashem will send the money from where He wants it to come from. The moment he got back to his house, he received a phone call from someone asking him to do a similar job. This person has also called him in past years and usually gave him a job that she paid $200-$300 for. This time, the job was a little bigger, but instead of offering him the $200 more that it was worth, she told him she would give him $1000 for it. Immediately, Hashem compensated him for the efforts that he made that morning. And he never felt stressed the entire time. Another man told me, his sister graduated high school a few years ago and, for a private reason, she was not going to seminary in Israel as the rest of her grade was doing. One day, her friend's mother called her mother saying, "Your daughter's not going to Israel? How is she going to find a shidduch ?" Her mother replied, "You think a girl has to go to Israel to find a good husband? Hashem is the one who makes matches and we are always in His hands." Towards the end of that year, while all of this girl's friends were still in Israel, she got engaged and, baruch Hashem is now married with two children. Even more amazing is that this girl wasn't even officially dating at that time. Her mother was at work one day and overheard someone saying they needed a shidduch for a great boy. She inquired about it and that's the boy that her daughter married. She was still only 18 years old at the time. When a person understands that Hashem runs the world, he is able to be calm no matter what kind of circumstances he finds himself in. He also knows Hashem is the only one he needs to impress. Another man told me he received a phone call from a friend asking if he could help make peace between their fathers. The fathers have had animosity toward each other for some time and he wanted to put an end to it. He said, "I know your sister is still not married and she is approaching 40 years old, perhaps as a zechut for her to get married, your father would be willing to make peace with my father." The man called his father and he said he was absolutely willing to make peace. And he did. Baruch Hashem, that same year his daughter got married. Everything happens in this world by the word of Hashem. The more we internalize this, the better our lives will be.
The pasuk says in Mishlei , "כי את אשר יאהב ה' יוכיח" – Hashem chastises those whom He loves most. If a person has to endure a difficulty in this world, it is a blessing in disguise. By experiencing yissurin , a person becomes cleansed from his sins, enabling him to enjoy eternal bliss. The Ruach Chaim writes, if a person would take away time from indulging in physical pleasures and instead delve into Torah study, that would count for him as if he experienced yissurin. This means besides for the rewards given for the Torah study itself, the person will also be cleansing himself from his sins through it. Rabbenu Yona writes in the Yesod HaTeshuva , when a person holds back his evil inclination to indulge in something forbidden, that as well counts as yissurin and will cleanse him from his sins. Sometimes, Hashem gives a person yissurin to help him improve his ways. Our entire purpose of being on this earth is to follow Torah and mitzvot to the best of our ability. In Hashem's great love for us, He helps us with that by reminding us, in order that we shouldn't fall off the proper path. And thus, Chazal teach us, if a person sees that afflictions are befalling him, he should view it as a calling to change his ways. A man told me he has somewhat of a heart condition and, in recent weeks, his heart rate became very rapid. He had a cardiac ablation procedure which did not help him. After exhausting all other options, his doctor told him he needed to put him out with general anesthesia and then shock his heart to get it back to normal. The man was obviously fearful of such a procedure but there was no other choice. On the day of the procedure, as he was lying in the hospital bed, the man began talking to Hashem. He said, if his heart would become normal again, he would start learning the Daf Yomi immediately. A few minutes later, the doctor came in to administer the anesthesia and he told the patient, it looks like your heart rate just went down on its own. Let's wait a little and see what happens. After waiting, the doctor called off the procedure. The man left the hospital with a healthy heart and began learning the Daf Yomi.Our job is Torah and mitzvot and we are to respond to yissurin with an improvement in those areas. It is the job of every parent to ensure that his or her children are utilizing the potential that Hashem gave them. If a parent sees his child going off or not living up to his potential, he is to do everything in his power to help him improve. The job is difficult, but when a parent does everything in his power to help his child, then he will know he did his part and the rest is in Hashem's hands. Recently, a shul in New Jersey held a raffle campaign with the winning prize being a car, namely a Tesla. When the winner was called by phone, he was in complete shock. He is not from that community and bought a ticket just a few hours before the drawing. He explained that he has a son who is not doing well spiritually and told him he was leaving yeshiva. No matter what this father said or did, he couldn't convince his son out of it. Finally, in a last ditch effort to save his son, the father told him, "I will do anything you want if you stay in yeshiva." The boy said, "Okay, if you buy me a Tesla, I'll stay." The father said, "If that's what it takes, I'll get you one." He made a phone call and ordered the car. The price was $40,000, which he did not have to pay for it. Then he found out about this raffle and bought a ticket, hoping that Hashem would have compassion on him after seeing how hard he was trying to keep his son religious. And that's what happened, he won the raffle and kept his son in yeshiva. If we are doing the best we can spiritually, then we can be confident we are doing our part and Hashem will take care of the rest.
A person who truly knows Hashem and understands His unlimited capabilities will always remain upbeat, happy, and hopeful because he knows he can always be helped. No matter how difficult the situation becomes or how many avenues seem to close, he knows Hashem can always help him. This knowledge gives a person tremendous strength in tefillah. Since we know that Hashem can always change any situation, we continue turning to Him with hope no matter how long we've been waiting. This is very different from a person putting his faith in man. I once read a parable about a man who became very sick. His friend asked him how he was doing, and he replied, "I'm okay. I just got an appointment with a great doctor, and I'm very hopeful that he's going to help me." A month later, his friend asked how the appointment went. The man replied, "The doctor didn't have enough experience with my condition, but he referred me to a specialist who does. I have an appointment with him in two weeks, and I'm very hopeful that he's going to help." A few weeks later, the friend asked again. "The appointment went well," the man said. "He gave me medication, and I'm waiting for it to work." A month later, when asked whether the medication had helped, he replied, "No, but I'm taking a different medication now, and I'm hopeful this one is going to work." When the second medication did not work either, the man still had hope. "My specialist got me an appointment with the best doctor in the world in this field. I'm so excited because I know he's going to be able to help me." Finally, he went to see that doctor, but the doctor told him, "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to heal you." The moment the man heard those words, all of his hope disappeared. As long as there was another doctor, another medication, or another possibility, he was able to remain hopeful. But once the greatest expert told him there was nothing more he could do, he despaired. A person, on the other hand, who knows that he has Hashem never reaches such a point. Hashem never tells anyone, "I'm sorry, I'm not able to help you." Hashem can always help. There is never a situation beyond His capabilities and never a moment when He runs out of options. Therefore, there is never a time when we should feel that there is no longer a reason to pray. Even if we've been praying for years and have not seen the answer we're looking for, the yeshuah can always come in the blink of an eye. A few years back in Israel, a sixty-year-old woman gave birth to her first child, a healthy baby girl. After waiting so many years, she experienced the greatest happiness of her life when the staff finally placed her baby in her arms. With Hashem, there is always hope, and there is always a reason to continue praying. Furthermore, even when the yeshuah is delayed, it doesn't mean that our tefillot are not being answered. Hashem may already be using those very tefillot to bring about the salvation without us even realizing it. A man once told me he was getting older and had been trying for years to find his shidduch, but nothing was working out for him. He decided to undertake a major tefillah campaign. He flew to Eretz Yisrael and went to the Kotel for forty straight days, spending hours every day pouring out his heart to Hashem for a shidduch. He then returned home to America, but nothing seemed to change. A month passed, then another, and eventually almost an entire year went by. He wondered what had happened to all his tefillot. What had all that praying accomplished? The following summer, a shidduch was suggested, and baruch Hashem, the couple eventually got married. Afterward, he discovered something remarkable from his wife. At exactly the time he had been praying at the Kotel, a major change had taken place in her life. She had attended public high school and was not fully religious. That summer, right after she graduated, she suddenly woke up one morning and told her mother she wanted to attend seminary in Israel for the coming year. It was totally out of the blue. She went to seminary, became fully religious, and decided she wanted to marry a ben Torah. Eventually, she married this very man. For an entire year, he thought his tefillot hadn't accomplished anything. In reality, while he was standing at the Kotel praying, Hashem was already using those tefillot to prepare his yeshuah. He just couldn't see it. Hashem was working on the other side of the world, transforming the life of the woman who would eventually become his wife. The tefillot were accomplishing their purpose from the very beginning. It just took time for him to see what they had accomplished. This is something we must always remember when we pray. We should never measure the effectiveness of our tefillot by what we see immediately afterward. A person may pray today and see no change tomorrow, the next month, or even after a year, but that does not mean his tefillot were not effective. Hashem hears every word, and He may already b
The Midrash in parashat V'Etchanan says a person should be happier with his yissurin – afflictions – more than when he receives open good because yissurin cleanses a person and gets rid of his averot . The Yalkut Shimoni in Tehillim says a person should thank Hashem when yissurin befall him because yissurin bring a person much closer to Hashem. At the end of Rebbe Avraham, brother of the Vilna Gaon's life, he was bedridden in excruciating pain, suffering from open wounds all over his body. When his son began to cry seeing his father in that condition, his father said this was the greatest gift that Hashem bestowed upon him. He said, "If I had the strength right now, I would get up and sing and dance out of joy in Hashem's goodness in giving me these yissurin . This is how our great chachamin viewed yissurin because they knew of their great effects. How great it would be if a person was able to achieve the effects of yissurin without having to actually experience them. The Gra wrote in a letter that there is a way to achieve this. He said if we follow his instructions, we will receive untold reward in the Next World by absolving ourselves of all our sins without having to suffer any physical pain. He wrote there, if a person would hold himself back from speaking something he shouldn't be saying, or if he would control a certain desire, that would accomplish more than any other form of yissurin . He writes further, for every second that a person holds himself back from saying something he shouldn't, he will also merit a special pleasure in the Next World that no angel could ever fathom. This means if someone is ready to relate a juicy piece of gossip to a crowd of people which would for sure make him the center of attention, he should stop himself and think, "If I hold back now, that would take the place of so much yissurin that may have been destined to befall me." And if it is very hard to do, he should know that for every second that he holds himself back, it's considered an additional affliction. Plus, he will receive untold rewards for his restraint in the Next World. This does not only apply to holding back from lashon hara . The Gemara says in masechet Moed Katan that Rabbi Yanai's student used to ask him very difficult questions during their daily class. But on the holidays, when the attendance of the class was very large, this student never asked the Rabbi a question because he didn't want to potentially embarrass the Rabbi if he didn't have a good answer. The Gemara applied to this student the pasuk in Tehillim , ושם דרך אראנו בישע אלוקים, which the Gemara explained to mean, as a reward for holding back his desire to show off his understanding of the material, he merited to be amongst those who were going to experience great salvation from Hashem. Every time we break our evil inclination, that is considered yissurin and, potentially, can wipe away endless amounts of averot . Imagine if a person was being told off and had a nasty comment he could say back that would allow him to enjoy sweet revenge, but instead he closed his mouth and didn't say a word. The kapara brought about by that act is unimaginable. Additionally, for every single second that he keeps his mouth closed at that time, he will be rewarded with the greatest rewards. Yissurin are great and accomplish so much for us, but nobody likes going through the painful process to receive those benefits. Here, the Vilna Gaon is giving us priceless information. We could accomplish more than any type of yissurin by holding back from saying things we shouldn't or by breaking any other desire for any kind of temptation. These are difficult things to do but it is well worth it. The next time a person is put into such a circumstance, he should pause and think about the golden opportunity that is being presented to him at that time.
As we go through another Tishah B'Av, we have to ask ourselves a painful question: Why do we still not have Mashiach? What are we still doing wrong? The Sefer HaBerit asked this question a couple of hundred years ago. He looked around at the people of his generation and saw they were learning Torah, they were praying, and they were doing mitzvot. So what was missing? He concluded that they were lacking one of the most fundamental principles of our Torah. Sometimes people view religion as a checklist. We perform mitzvot, fulfill our obligations, and then ask, "So what do I get now?" But our mission as Torah Jews is not just to do mitzvot. It is to develop a relationship with Hashem, to love Hashem, to know Hashem, and to understand what pleases Him and what pains Him. A relationship cannot be one-sided. The Sefer HaBerit wrote that in his day, many people were serving Hashem only for themselves. They wanted a better Olam HaBa, a better Olam HaZeh, a good spouse, successful children, a beautiful home, a long life, and honor from others. They knew the path to those berachot was through Torah and mitzvot, and so their focus became, "What do I get out of this mitzvah? What does this do for me? What does that do for me?" "I'll pray for others only because of the reward I'm going to get. I'll show compassion to others only because of the blessings it will bring me." Everything revolved around one question: "What's in it for me?" Even when standing before Hashem in tefillah, the conversation was always, "Hashem, please give me this. Please give me that." We're constantly asking Hashem what He can do for us, but do we ever stop and think about Him? Do we ever stop and think about what's causing Him pain? The Beit Yosef writes in Maggid Meisharim that the heavenly maggid told him if we could comprehend even one trillionth of the pain that Hashem experiences during this exile, we would not be able to have any enjoyment, knowing that we are the ones causing Him all of this pain. Hashem longs to rest His Shechinah with us. He wants to be close to us. He wants to have a home among His children. Yet because of our shortcomings, that cannot happen. Does that pain ever affect us? When we pray for Mashiach, is it only because our lives will become better? Because there will be peace, prosperity, and no more suffering? Or do we pray because we want Hashem's glory to be restored? Because we can't bear the thought of our Father being in so much pain—a pain that will not be relieved until He is able to dwell with His children once again? Imagine if we said, "Hashem, I want to do more mitzvot because I know they will bring You pleasure. I want to pray for Mashiach because I want You to be happy. I want Your Shechinah to return. I want to be close to You." A loving parent wants nothing more than to hear a child say, "I just want to be close to you." That is what the Sefer HaBerit meant. If we could shift our focus from ourselves to Hashem, if we could begin thinking more about Him than about our own benefit, then our entire avodat Hashem would change. We would make peace with others, not because of the segulah of blessing that comes from it, but because we can't bear to cause our Father pain by allowing His children to keep fighting. We would perform mitzvot not only because of what we receive from them, but because of what they mean to Hashem. May Hashem hear all of us say, "We want You. We want to be close to You. We don't want You to be in pain." And in that merit, may we finally experience the great day of geulah, when the Shechinah will return to dwell among us forever.
It says in the Reshit Chochma that the true determinant whether a person is considered a tzaddik is from the way he deals with others when it comes to money. It says in the Tana Diveh Eliyahu Raba that בעלי אמנה – those who are honest when it comes to money are the ones who will merit to be together with Hashem במחיצתו-in His partition, as it says in Tehillim, "עיני בנאמני ארץ לשבת עמדי-My eyes are on the faithful of the land; they will dwell with me." Someone who has Yirat Shamayim is extra careful to make sure he never owes anybody money. His first priority is honesty and integrity. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous individuals who don't have a problem violating the will of Hashem and taking money in treacherous ways. What should a person's attitude be if he was swindled by one of those people? I met a man recently who told me that some ten years ago over $200 million was stolen from him, which he was never able to recover. After a couple of years of depression and thinking about what could have been and what should have been, he began delving into the topic of emunah. And today, he is happier than ever. He understands the money came to him from Hashem and was taken away from him by Hashem. He used the experience to get closer to Hashem and now spends his days involved in communal work. As much as it looks like people can use their free will to take money from us, it's not true. They could use their free will to try to take, but they can't actually accomplish anything if it is not the will of Hashem. Hashem has countless ways of foiling people's plans and when He doesn't, it's because that's what was meant to be. Of course, the deceitful party will have to pay for his actions, but that's not our business. Somebody told me they were swindled out of an inheritance by their very own family member. They know no one can take a penny from them, and they know they're allowed to make a hishtadlut to try to get it back, but it bothers them so much to know that they were betrayed by their very own family. They don't know if they can ever have any type of relationship with them ever again. It's a hard nisayon to deal with, but they should know, the more they're able to rise above their nature and view what happened as totally coming only from Hashem, the better off they will be. They still have the mitzvah of not bearing a grudge, and they still have the mitzvah of not harboring hatred. Those are commandments given by Hashem. He knows how difficult they are, and He will reward those who make the efforts to keep them. Hashem can give us the money that's meant for us in so many ways. Our primary goal is always making sure we are pleasing Him. A man who lives in Israel told me that he has a daughter and a son-in-law, who we'll call Yosef, who work together in their own travel agency. They recently had a dispute with somebody over a thousand shekels. Yosef explained to the other party why it was clear that he owed the money, but he just wouldn't hear it. Yosef then suggested politely that they go to a Bet Din to settle it. The other party said, "No way, I'm taking you to a Bet Mishpat," (a secular court). Although Yosef knew he was one hundred percent right and would definitely win, he also knew it would be a chilul Hashem for him to be in a secular court over this. He has a picture in his home of Rav Shteinman with a caption saying, "My whole life, I never saw anybody being mevater – giving in – and losing as a result." So with great strength, he told the other party, "Forget it, I'm dropping it." The very next day, Yosef was in a convenience store and decided to buy a scratch-off ticket, something he never does. He scratched off the numbers and was delighted to see, he won exactly 1000 shekels. הרבה שלוחים למקום-Hashem has many agents. What is meant for us to have, we're going to get. We have to concentrate on doing what Hashem wants us to do. We need to be considered a tzaddik in Hashem's eyes, and everything else will fall into place.
One of the tests in bitachon comes when we become convinced that our salvation has to come through a specific person, a specific organization, or a certain circumstance. We know Hashem can help us, but deep down we think there is only one path to accomplishing it. It is up to us to realize that Hashem never needs any specific avenue to bring a yeshuah. It can always come in infinitely more ways than we could ever imagine. I read a story about R' Rabinowitz from Israel whose young daughter was born with a deformity in her leg. After three successful surgeries in Los Angeles, there was only one operation left. The final surgery would allow her to walk normally for the rest of her life. The family naturally assumed that just as the insurance company had paid for the first three surgeries, it would pay for the fourth and final one as well. But then they were told they had reached the coverage limit. The insurance company had already paid over a million shekels and refused to pay any more. The family tried everything they could. They appealed to the Ministry of Health. They contacted different askanim. They hired a lawyer. They met with a medical specialist whose opinion they hoped would help their case. But everything they tried did not work. Even the specialist's report actually worked against them. It appeared that the entire future of their daughter's treatment depended on one thing—convincing the insurance company to change its mind. They did not become discouraged. The family strengthened themselves in bitachon. They learned Sha'ar HaBitachon every day. They accepted upon themselves to become more careful with berachot and answering Amen, and they poured out their hearts to Hashem in tefillah. The rabbi's wife would spend time alone speaking to Hashem in her own words, thanking Him for all the kindnesses He had already shown them and asking Him to continue helping them. Then one of their children said something that completely changed their perspective. "Why do we keep asking Hashem that the insurance company should pay? What difference does it make who pays? Hashem can pay for the surgery even without the insurance company." Those simple words made a tremendous impact on the entire family. So often we become attached to the messenger instead of the Sender. We think the yeshuah has to come in a certain way, and when we see that it is not going to come that way, we begin to feel that hope is lost. But Hashem is never limited by a messenger. If one avenue proves not to work, we must know that Hashem has endless ways—ways that we never even knew existed—to help us. This family continued making normal hishtadlut, but now they did it with the understanding that the source of their salvation was not their hishtadlut and it was not the insurance company. They did what they had to do, and they knew the outcome was in Hashem's Hands. They asked the surgeon for a discount since the insurance wasn't going to cover the surgery, and amazingly, he gave them a fifty-percent discount—something the secretary said she had never seen in forty years. They were then connected with a free-loan fund that agreed to help them. One day, while walking somewhere, the rabbi met a childhood friend who connected him with a wealthy donor in New York who agreed to cover the entire cost of the surgery. Then, just as they landed in Los Angeles, they received a phone call informing them that the Ministry of Health had reversed its decision and approved full funding for the surgery. Hashem gave them multiple solutions all at the same time. Initially, they thought everything depended on the insurance company, but Hashem showed them that He has unlimited ways of helping. He can give a discount on the surgery. He can provide a loan. He can send a wealthy donor. He can cause the insurance company to change its mind. Whenever we find ourselves thinking, "If only this person says yes," "If only I get this deal," or "If only this opportunity works out," we should remember the child's simple words: "What difference does it make who pays?" Our job is to do normal hishtadlut and then understand that Hashem will send the yeshuah in the way that He wants. And He has infinitely more ways to do it than we could ever imagine.
There are times when we have a certain plan that we're excited to carry out. We picture exactly how things are going to unfold, and we feel that our plan is going to be the best possible outcome. But then, suddenly, something happens that throws everything off. The opportunity disappears, someone interrupts our plans, and naturally, we feel disappointed and frustrated. At those moments, we have to remember a fundamental principle of emunah. It is very possible that if we react the right way, we will gain far more than we ever could have had our original plan succeeded. What appears to be an obstacle may actually be Hashem redirecting us to something much greater. Rav Shmuel Tzvi Kovalsky made sure that every year on his father's yahrtzeit he would be the chazzan at the minyan. It was something that meant a great deal to him, and it was his way of bringing an aliyah to his father's neshamah. One year, while waiting for the next minyan, he noticed an elderly man who appeared to need help. Although he realized that if he helped that man, he might lose the opportunity to be the chazzan at the next minyan, he offered to help anyway, figuring he would wait for the following minyan. The man first asked him to help fold his tefillin. Afterwards, he asked if he could accompany him home. Rav Shmuel assumed it would take only a few minutes because he knew the man had lived nearby. However, the man explained that he had recently moved five blocks away and that the walk usually took him thirty minutes. Rav Shmuel became very concerned that he might miss every remaining minyan to be the chazzan. Nevertheless, he strengthened himself and continued doing the chesed. When they finally reached the building, the elderly man apologized and explained that the elevator was broken. He lived on the fourth floor and couldn't get up the stairs alone. Once again, Rav Shmuel strengthened himself and continued the chesed. He silently said, "Hashem, please let this chesed serve as an aliyah for my father's neshamah in case I'm not able to be the chazzan." He then helped the man all the way up the four flights of stairs. By the time he got back to shul, the final minyan had already started and someone else was the chazzan. Rav Shmuel was heartbroken, but that night his father appeared to him in a dream. "My son," he said, "every year you are the chazzan for me on my yahrtzeit, and I receive so much nachat ruach from it. But this year you gave me something much greater. The nachat ruach I received from your sacrificing something so important to help another Jew far surpassed what I would have received had you simply been the chazzan. You were willing to give up something so precious to you in order to help someone else. That brought me an immeasurably greater aliyah." Rav Shmuel thought he was losing his opportunity, but in reality, Hashem gave him something much more valuable. A woman related a similar experience. She recently attended the wedding of a close friend who had finally become engaged after many years. Everyone was dancing with tremendous joy when someone accidentally bumped into her very hard and knocked her sheitel off her head. The embarrassment was overwhelming. As she bent down to pick it up, she made a conscious decision. "I forgive the person who just did this. I have no anger toward her." She remembered what Chazal teach—that when a person experiences public embarrassment and accepts it without retaliation, it is an especially auspicious time for tefillah. Right then she prayed that her two closest friends, ages twenty-five and twenty-four, should both become engaged within the month. Amazingly, three weeks later the twenty-five-year-old became engaged, and on the very last day of that month, the twenty-four-year-old became engaged as well. This woman had gone to the wedding expecting nothing more than an enjoyable evening. Instead, Hashem placed before her an unexpected challenge. Had she become upset, the night would have ended with disappointment. Instead, she accepted the situation with emunah, transformed a painful moment into a powerful moment of tefillah, and merited to accomplish something far greater than she could have ever imagined. When our plans suddenly change, instead of asking, "Why did this happen?" we should ask, "What does Hashem want from me right now?" If we respond with emunah, we may discover that what seemed like an interruption was actually the greatest opportunity of all.
A Daily ethical teaching by Rabbi David Ashear
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