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by Rabbi David Ashear
A Daily ethical teaching by Rabbi David Ashear
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Living Emunah 3002 The Recipe for True Happiness Everybody wants happiness, but what exactly is happiness, and how do we get it? If someone is happy with his house, he's not going to be looking around for another house. If someone's happy with his family, he's not going to be looking around at other families. When a person is truly happy with what he has, he doesn't look around to see what everyone else has, and he doesn't become jealous of them. Happiness comes from a feeling of satisfaction, a feeling of being full. It's possible, even in physicality, to experience that feeling, at least momentarily. If someone, let's say, wins the lottery, at that moment he'll feel that his bank account is full. He doesn't need anything else. He'll feel content and he'll be happy. But when it comes to physicality, that feeling wears off quickly. Before long, he'll be back to wanting more and once again feeling lacking. Hashem gave us an incredible gift that enables us to feel happy all the time. He gave us a mission in life. He gave us Torah and mitzvot and the ability to fulfill that mission every second of the day. We constantly have the ability to experience the feeling of being full, the feeling of accomplishment. I did another mitzvah. I learned another word of Torah. I did another act of chesed. I prayed another tefillah. I overcame another challenge. Every one of those accomplishments is another step toward the purpose for which I came into this world. And there is no limit to how much a person can accomplish. He can keep doing more and more, constantly filling his life with real meaning. This feeling of accomplishment can give a person a constant source of happiness. But what about the things in life that really bother people? Perhaps a person wishes he had more money. Perhaps he's unhappy with his spouse, or there's something else in his life that he wishes were different. For this, Hashem gave us another precious gift: the gift of emunah. Knowing that Hashem is the One who gives us everything we have, and He is the One who knows exactly what we need. He knows our purpose in this world, and He knows exactly what we need to fulfill it. And if we internalize that, then we can always be happy. The wife that I have is the wife Hashem handpicked for me because she's exactly what my neshamah needs. The amount of money that I have is exactly what Hashem determined I need right now to fulfill my purpose. And if I needed more, Hashem would have given me more. Once a person truly believes this, he can feel full and satiated. And this feeling of satiation is one of the most wonderful feelings a person can experience—the feeling of true contentment. As the Mishnah says in Pirkei Avot, " אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר? הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ — Who is truly wealthy? Someone who is happy with what he has." How can I be happy with what I have? Because I know Who gave it to me—the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine, the One who knows my purpose and exactly what I need to fulfill that purpose. The knowledge that I have everything I need right now brings a person true satisfaction and happiness. Hashem has given us all the tools we need. He gave us Torah and mitzvot, and He gave us the gift of emunah. With these gifts, we can go through life full of purpose, full of meaning, and full of the knowledge that Hashem has given us everything we need. And that is the recipe for true happiness.
There's an interesting phenomenon in life that we don't usually stop to think about. It's called laughter. Why did Hashem create laughter, and what exactly causes a person to laugh? Rabbi Zamir Cohen explained that generally, laughter comes when we are expecting one thing to happen and suddenly something completely unexpected takes place. We expect someone to say one thing, and then he says exactly the opposite. We think we know where something is headed, and suddenly there's a completely unexpected turn. That surprise brings about laughter. David HaMelech said about Hashem, " יוֹשֵׁב בַּשָּׁמַיִם יִשְׂחָק — He Who sits in the heavens laughs." Hashem sees people making their plans, thinking they know exactly what's going to happen, while He knows that everything is going to turn out completely differently. Pharaoh was told that the savior of the Jewish people was going to be born and was ultimately going to be struck through water. Pharaoh thought he had the perfect solution: throw every Jewish baby boy into the Nile. But Hashem took Pharaoh's very plan and used it against him. Not only did Moshe survive, he was brought directly into Pharaoh's palace. As a result of his decree, Pharaoh's own daughter raised him, and Moshe's own mother was paid to nurse him. The very man who was trying to prevent the Jewish savior from growing up ended up raising him in his home. Pharaoh thought he knew what he was doing, but Hashem had a completely different plan. Haman built a gallows fifty amot high because he wanted Mordechai's death to be seen by everyone. But Hashem was preparing a completely different ending. The gallows that Haman prepared for Mordechai became the gallows upon which Haman himself was hanged. This is the way Hashem runs the world. People make plans. Circumstances seem to be moving in one direction. Sometimes everything appears to be falling into place for the wrong outcome, and then, in one moment, Hashem turns everything around. We recently witnessed an extraordinary example of this in the attempted hijacking of that Dubai flight. Suddenly, the lives of so many people were in grave danger. The plane was about thirty seconds away from crashing, but Hashem had prepared a salvation that no one could ever have expected. First, the pilot managed to open the door. Then a passenger overpowered the co-pilot, and that passenger happened to know how to lift the plane out of potential disaster. Then there happened to be qualified pilots on board as passengers who were able to come forward, fly the plane, and land it safely. A string of events that no one could have planned came together at precisely the right moments. The passengers went from a potential tragedy to singing the praises of Hashem, thanking Him for His great salvation. We only see situations as they appear right now, but Hashem sees the endings, and this knowledge should give us tremendous chizuk. A person may look at his life and think he knows where things are headed. The shidduch doesn't seem to be coming. The parnassah isn't working out. The medical situation doesn't look promising. A family problem seems to be getting worse. He looks at all the circumstances and sees no reasonable way for things to turn around. But we only see the middle of the story. Hashem sees the ending. Sometimes the very thing that appears to be taking us further away from our salvation is what Hashem is using to bring it about. We don't have to know how Hashem is going to do it, but we know that Hashem is never limited by what we see. In one moment, everything can unexpectedly change. That is what we can learn from laughter. And the greatest laughter of all is still awaiting us. David HaMelech said, " אָז יִמָּלֵא שְׂחוֹק פִּינוּ — Then our mouths will be filled with laughter." When the final Geulah arrives, it will be the greatest reversal imaginable. The nation that was persecuted throughout history, driven from country to country, attacked and threatened with annihilation again and again, will suddenly be elevated before the entire world. Everyone will look and say, "This is the nation that everyone tried to destroy, and now they are on top of the world." That is going to engender the greatest laughter of all. We should all merit a year filled with this kind of laughter—the laughter that comes when Hashem reveals His yeshuot and suddenly turns situations around in ways we could never have imagined. We should have a year filled with happiness, berachah, yeshuot for all of Klal Yisrael, and the coming of Mashiach.
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A life without emunah and bitachon often leads a person into unnecessary stress, worry, and exertion. A man related that for his entire business career, he opened his store every day at eight in the morning and didn't close until eight at night. He was constantly worried that if he closed even a little earlier, a potential customer would go to his competitor, discover that their product was just as good, and he would lose the customer permanently. That fear, combined with the belief that more hours meant more income, drove him to work grueling twelve-hour days. As he grew older, that schedule became too demanding. But he was terrified to cut back his hours. Then someone introduced him to Sha'ar HaBitachon . After learning it, he discovered that he could safely ease his worries and reduce his hours. But hearing the ideas once wasn't enough for him to actually change. He learned each section again and again, going through the entire chapter five times, until the message sank deeply into his heart. Only then did he calmly begin closing his store at 6 p.m. instead of 8. Since that day, his financial situation has only improved. He said that he doesn't understand how, but he earns more money now than he did with twelve-hour days. The explanation is simple: Hashem is in charge of parnassah , and when we genuinely internalize that belief and live according to it, Hashem rewards that trust. It is not our job to figure out how Hashem will send us our livelihood. It is only our job to make a regular hishtadlut , believe and pray. A woman told that she is an only child and her father passed away many years ago. Baruch Hashem, she married and built a beautiful family. A few days before Sukkot this year, a FedEx envelope was delivered to their home. She assumed it was for her husband, so she gave it to him. He opened it and found a check for a very large amount of money — at a moment when they desperately needed it. They had no idea who would be sending such a sum. They investigated and discovered the remarkable chain of events behind it. Forty years earlier, her grandfather had loaned a friend $50,000. The friend never repaid it, and over time, everyone forgot about it — except for the One who forgets nothing. The grandfather passed away, and so did her father. On his own deathbed, the old friend remembered the debt and wanted to leave this world with a clean slate. He instructed his family to repay all of his outstanding debts, including the one owed to her grandfather. Since her grandfather was no longer alive, they divided the money among his children. And because her father had passed away and she was an only child, she received her father's full share. A forgotten debt from decades earlier, crossing generations, arrived at their doorstep precisely when they needed it most. While they were trying to figure out how to pay their bills, Hashem was preparing their salvation decades in advance. Hashem is the One who provides parnassah. Those who recognize this live with far greater peace of mind, knowing that their livelihood is already in Hashem's hands — and always has been.
When Rivka told Yaakov to go to the house of Lavan and find a wife, she said, " וְיָשַׁבְתָּ עִמּוֹ יָמִים אֲחָדִים ," that he should stay there for yamim achadim, which is generally translated as "a short time," until his brother's anger would subside, and then she would call for him to come back. When Yaakov later told Lavan that he would work for seven years to marry Rachel, Rashi says that these are the yamim achadim that Rivka was referring to. The question is, why would Rivka want Yaakov to be in such a bad spiritual environment with Lavan for such a long time? Furthermore, when Yaakov was working during those seven years, the Torah says they felt like yamim achadim, a short time, because of his love for her. Seemingly, if someone is so eager to get married, every day should feel like an eternity, not yamim achadim. Rabbi Menashe Reisman brought a beautiful explanation in the name of Rabbi Michal Forshlager to answer these questions. Rivka wanted to give Yaakov the greatest tool that would ensure that he would always be happy in any circumstance that he might find himself in. When a person is suffering from a problem in life, it is usually because the problem has lasted for a long time. Problems that only last a short amount of time are much easier to deal with. If someone is older and not married and speaks about his difficulty, he will usually say, "I have been trying for so many years and nothing works out." But if a person would live one day at a time, his quality of life would improve tremendously. Every day is a new day, with endless possibilities of what could happen. If a person wakes up in the morning believing that today could easily be the day of his salvation, it gives him strength and courage. What was yesterday has nothing to do with today. The difficulty begins when a person connects today with all the past days and looks at everything as one long, unbearable stretch. The same is true with worry. Most worry is about the future, not the present. Right now, a person is still alive, still taken care of, and still standing. His suffering comes from thinking about what might be tomorrow. If he would only focus on today, on what he already has and on what might happen to bring salvation, he would be far happier. This is what Rivka was telling Yaakov about the house of Lavan. He should be there for yamim achadim, literally, one day at a time. She knew it would be hard for him, and she gave him the secret of how to survive it. Even when Yaakov agreed to work for seven years, that did not mean he accepted that it must be seven full years. It meant seven years worth of work. If Yaakov would somehow get money, he could pay Lavan and leave immediately. Just as an eved ivri who is supposed to work six years can be freed early if his master releases him, so too Yaakov could get out at any time if Hashem willed it. A person can also pray that Hashem put it into someone's heart to help him, or that he find a way out sooner than expected. When a person knows that he can be helped today, it gives him great strength. If someone is told he must undergo treatment for a certain amount of time or remain in the hospital for a certain amount of time, he can ease so much of his pain by remembering that with Hashem, nothing has to be the way people say. The first treatment can go so well that no further treatment is needed. What was supposed to be two weeks can become two days. Even though Yosef was in prison for twelve years, he remained in good spirits, knowing that any day he could be released. And although Yaakov seemed to have such a difficult time in Lavan's house, being cheated and taken advantage of again and again, the Torah testifies - וַיָּבוֹא יַעֲקֹב שָׁלֵם -that he left whole, in every way, physically, financially, and spiritually. Lavan was never able to truly harm him. Everything happened exactly as Hashem wanted, and it was all for Yaakov's benefit. A person's bitachon gives him strength every single day of his life. And when it says that the seven years Yaakov worked for Rachel were yamim achadim because of his love for her, Rav Michal explained that it means that even though Yaakov loved Rachel deeply and wanted to marry her, because he looked at each day by itself and thought, "Maybe today will be the day," the time passed quickly. In the same way, Yaakov was able to survive his long stay with Lavan because Rivka told him she would send for him when it was time to come home. Each day, Yaakov could tell himself, "Maybe today is my last day here." Yeshuat Hashem is keheref ayin. A person can be saved today. If a person learns to live today properly, with real bitachon, he will always have the strength and courage to be happy and productive in life.
We know that in the Midbar, Hashem gave the Jewish people three miraculous gifts: the mann, the Be'er Shel Miriam(well), and the Ananei HaKavod(clouds of glory). Yet we have a Yom Tov that commemorates only the Ananei HaKavod—this holiday of Sukkot. Why don't we have a Yom Tov for the mann or for the well? The Mabit answers that the Jewish people could not survive in the desert without food and water. Hashem, so to speak, had to provide those for them. But the Ananei HaKavod, the Clouds of Glory, were different. Technically, they could have survived without them. It would have been very difficult. The scorching sun would have beaten down upon them. They would have been exposed to snakes and scorpions, and the terrain would have been extremely difficult to travel through. But they could have survived. The Ananei HaKavod showed us something much more. Hashem didn't just want His children to survive. He wanted them to be comfortable. He wanted the climate to be perfect, the terrain to be smooth, and He wanted to protect them from everything around them. And therefore, when we sit in the sukkah and remember those clouds, Hashem wants us to internalize how much love He has for us. He doesn't just give us what we need. He gives us so much more. Furthermore, we see an even deeper expression of Hashem's love at the Yam Suf. Rashi tells us in Parashat Yitro that when the Mitzrim were shooting arrows at the Jewish people, the Ananei HaKavod were absorbing them. Hashem could have protected the Jewish people in countless ways. He could have stopped the Egyptians from shooting the arrows altogether. Why did He specifically have the clouds absorb those arrows? The Tiferet Shmuel explains that the Ananei HaKavod represented the Shechinah surrounding the Jewish people. Hashem was telling us, so to speak, "I want to take the arrows for you." Hashem wanted us to understand the extraordinary love that He has for us. When someone truly loves another person, he doesn't only want to give to that person, and he is not only willing to take pain for that person—he even wants to take the pain for that person. A mother will endure tremendous pain for her child and even feel happy to do so. The greater the love, the more a person is willing to sacrifice for the one he loves. On Sukkot, Hashem wants us to recognize that this is the love He has for us. The Ananei HaKavod didn't just show us that Hashem will provide for us. They showed us that Hashem loves us with an endless love. And when a person truly understands how much Hashem loves him, naturally, he will want to reciprocate. Toward the end of his life, the Chafetz Chaim would pray that he should have the opportunity to die al Kiddush Hashem. The Tiferet Shmuel explained that it was not because he was looking for more zechuyot. He was saying, "Hashem, I love You so much. I wish I could show You just how much I love You. I would even give You the most precious thing I have—my life." There was a time when the Chafetz Chaim had to spend an entire Shabbat alone in a field in order to avoid violating Shabbat. He had no food and no comforts, yet afterward he described what a beautiful Shabbat he had. The difficulty itself became an enjoyment for him because he knew he was doing it for Hashem. When we know how much Hashem loves us, our attitude toward serving Him can change. Something could be difficult, like getting up early to learn and pray, holding ourselves back from something we want to do, or doing a mitzvah under challenging circumstances. But instead of thinking, "Why do I have to do this now?" we can think, "Hashem, I love You. If this is what You want from me now, I'm happy to do it." There are people who, even when experiencing suffering, are able to say, "Hashem, I know You love me, and I know You want this for me. So not only am I going to accept it, but I'm going to embrace the pain You are giving me because it is what You want." This is a high level of emunah. Sukkot is our opportunity to sit under the s'chach and think about what the Ananei HaKavod really showed us. Hashem didn't just keep us alive. He surrounded us with love. He made everything perfect for us, and He showed us, so to speak, that He was even happy to take the pain for us. The more we recognize how much Hashem loves us, the more we are going to love Him back. And then, even when serving Him requires sacrifice, instead of focusing on the pain, we will feel the privilege and say, "Hashem, I love doing this for You."
The Sefer Ha'ikarim writes, there are three fundamentals of Emunah that every Jew must believe. Number one is the existence of Hashem. Number two is that the Torah was given to us from Shamayim. And number three, Hashem is involved in everything that happens in this world- hashgacha peratit. The Sefer Kometz Mincha suggests that each of the shalosh regalim corresponds to one of these three fundamentals. On Pesach, the world learned that Hashem exists. On Shavuot, we saw the Torah coming down from Shamayim. And on Sukkot, we saw how Hashem took care of the Jewish people's every need in the desert, surrounding them in His clouds of glory. Thus, we leave our homes and go to live in temporary structures to show that we know we are in Hashem's hands. He is the One who protects and watches over us at all times. This is one of the reasons why Sukkot is called "zemans simchatenu," the time of our greatest joy. Because when a person internalizes that he is in Hashem's hands, he can be happy in all situations in life, even during the trying times. A woman related how Emunah gave her the ultimate strength and joy to deal with a very difficult situation that she was experiencing. Last year, she had a miscarriage late in the pregnancy. It was a devastating blow, especially since they had been waiting to have a child. After the loss, she worked very hard on her Emunah. That is what enabled her to get through that very difficult time with sanity. She conceived shortly afterward. However, to her dismay, things went wrong right from the beginning. The pregnancy was filled with fear and panic. Every doctor's visit meant more fear. And every trimester brought its own challenges. She decided to start listening from the beginning of an Emunah hotline that she would regularly call. This hotline has over 2,000 5-minute clips. And she went back and started from number one. She drank every word thirstily and allowed the words to penetrate her soul and override her emotions. There were many times when she thought the pregnancy had ended. She kept repeatedly attempting to strengthen herself like a lion and kept listening to the classes aggressively. She would dial the number trembling and then hang up feeling much more relaxed and hopeful. There were many nights when panic would overtake her and the doctor's grim prognosis wouldn't let her sleep. She would then call the Emunah hotline and let the words of chizuk calm her nerves and enable her to fall asleep. There were times when she had questions like, if Hashem didn't want us to be parents yet, why did He have to pick up our hopes so high only to drop them down so low? But then the Emunah lessons answered that question for her too. Perhaps there was a harsh decree written for them and Hashem in His infinite mercy was giving them temporary challenges in exchange. Those thoughts gave her a lot of Chizuk. She felt like she entered the pregnancy on a premature theoretical level of Emunah and left it on an advanced level with a concrete connection to Hashem. She would not sell this connection for any money in the world. It's the most precious commodity that she possesses. By the end of the pregnancy she had already listened to 770 classes on the hotline. She especially connected with the lesson about imagining the yeshua of Hashem before it happens and relying on Him for it. As she holds her beautiful baby girl in her arms, she knows with certainty that the only thing that got her to this glorious moment was her Emunah and Bitachon. When we go outside and look up at the flimsy s'chach, we should internalize that it is only Hashem who protects, only Hashem who helps and only Hashem who takes care of us. The more we recognize this, the happier we will be.
There are times when a person is confronted with very big tests, and sometimes those tests entail giving into another party for peace. Whether it's giving up money, property, or just plain old honor, it's always very difficult to do, especially when the person feels that they should not be the one to give in because it was the other side that caused the problem, and they should be giving in. We must know the great value in being the one to sacrifice for peace. According to the effort is the reward. Many times, Hashem will present someone with an opportunity to give in as a vehicle to bring that person a blessing that he needs very badly. The rule is, a person never loses by sacrificing for Hashem. It may appear that way at the onset, but in the end he will only gain. A man related, he deals in real estate. Being that he has no steady income, he is constantly connecting to Hashem and asking for His help. Sometimes he doesn't make any money for months, and then one day, in one swoop, he'll get a half a year's salary. In 2022, his third son became engaged, and they set the wedding date towards the end of November. From months in advance, he booked the wedding hall, the band, and the photographer. He also booked the caterer for the Shabbat Sheva Berachot . All of the Sheva Berachot meals were confirmed as well. One day, he received a phone call from his father-in-law telling him that his brother-in-law was about to celebrate his son's engagement, and their wedding was scheduled for the same week as his, and that would mean that both Shabbat Sheva Berachot s would fall out on the same Shabbat. His father-in-law explained to him he really wanted to attend both, and politely asked him if he could switch his wedding date. Initially, this seemed like an impossible request, being that it would mean he would have to change so many things. He also felt that, if anything, his brother-in-law should be the one changing his wedding date, because his was set already beforehand. His father-in-law did tell him it would be too complicated for his brother-in-law to switch, but he felt it was just as complicated for him to switch also. He told his father-in-law respectfully he would see what he could do. After going back and forth with it in his mind, he decided to get over the unpleasantness of it and ask his mechutan if he would be okay with them switching the date. The mechutan thought about it, and then said, he would be okay with it if he would take care of making all the changes himself. And so, he contacted everyone that he needed to, and baruch Hashem, was able to reschedule the wedding for ten days later, with everything being exactly the same. As the wedding drew near, the man received an invitation to a huge event where apartments and properties would be featured for sale. It was like a real estate fair, and the date was the same date that his son's wedding was originally scheduled for. Now that the date was changed, he was able to attend, and at that fair, he found a property worth twenty million dollars and succeeded in closing a deal between a buyer and a seller on it. He got his two percent commission, which came out to four hundred thousand dollars, the largest commission he had ever earned. He then understood that Hashem had blessing in store for him, but he needed him to first do that heroic act of giving in for peace to access it. By giving in, he not only earned endless rewards in the Next World, he also received dividends in this world as well.
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