207: Hot and Cold in Love And Breakups: The Real Reason Why

Ever swing between anxious and avoidant with the same person, reaching for them one minute and running the next? That's not you being broken or "too much." In week three of the Breakups by Attachment Style series, Sabrina breaks down disorganized attachment (also called fearful avoidant attachment): the push-pull, hot-and-cold, on-again-off-again pattern that makes you feel like you're losing your mind. Learn what's actually happening in your nervous system, why your relationships keep taking this shape, and why no attachment style ever excuses how someone treats you. Inside: the research on fearful avoidant attachment in adulthood, a real story of dating someone disorganized, and what the path to earned security actually looks like (slower than 90 days, and worth every bit of it). Plus the Tool of the Week, a simple somatic state check-in to start tracking your nervous system today. If you've never fit neatly into anxious or avoidant, this one on attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and breaking the cycle is for you, baby. Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at http://sabrinazohar.com/book If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step  ⁠HERE!⁠ If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠ Get Ad free ⁠HERE!⁠  Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠HERE!⁠  Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠HERE!⁠  Don't forget to follow ⁠Sabrina⁠ and ⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠ on Instagram and ⁠Sabrina ⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠YOUTUBE!⁠ Please support our sponsors! Aura has a great deal for Father’s Day, an exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/SABRINA. Promo Code SABRINA Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products at Lolablankets.com by using code SABRINA at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Get 10% off your first month of Betterhelp at betterhelp.com/sabrina Right now, Rythm is offering our listeners 15% off your first month and free shipping at RythmHealth.com/SABRINA ============================= Chapters: 00:00 Anxious and Avoidant at the Same Time 03:48 What Disorganized Attachment Is 06:36 Why You Can't Predict the Pattern 09:43 On Again Off Again Relationships 13:35 Hot and Cold Relationship Story 18:00 Why You Keep Going Back 21:00 How the Push Pull Cycle Works 25:03 What Causes Disorganized Attachment 28:55 How to Heal Fearful Avoidant 31:26 Somatic Practice to Self Regulate Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices